Dreams (08/06)

Have you ever wondered what you were like 7 years ago? Your dreams, your wishes, your ideals? How many of us are still that person?

Have we lost the innocence of that age? The moral values we had, do we still abide to it? Are we the person today that we envisioned back then? So many questions....

The dreams, the dreams I had, the power to move mountains with my mind and will.. Do I still believe that? Do I still believe that the world is one big fantasy to be lived? Maybe I was delusional back then, oh but the dreams I made up in my mind, life was a dream back then, my mind an escape from reality... a place to be safe, where no one could harm me, where I alone could say, there is no rule but one rule, live and explore.. Where I could bring whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted.. I miss those dreams in my mind..

Do I still dream? Yes I do.. There was a time when I, disgusted with life, forced myself to stop dreaming.. and for a while I did succeed.. But that is not what I'm made of, the energy to plow through life, no matter how hard it is... Comes from my dreams..

And so, inadvertently, I began dreaming again.. And until today, I still dream.. but dreams are what I am.. Like the old me believed, dreams are reality..

But am I still the same? Sadly no, how many of us can say that we still uphold the same values, wishes, and dreams? I dreamt to be in the army, like James Bond 007, or some super great spy, or a superhero, and countless other ridiculous entities.. Ahh the dreams of the little kid.. Whose eyes are so full of light, the ignorance of the world that gives them bliss, the tiniest thing being the greatest reward.. I wish I could be like that again..

I wish I was the man that I envisioned myself to be, the man who had morals, a man who kept his values... Sadly I am not.. I have not followed my morals as I wished, I have given hurt even if it wasn't my goal.. Why? because I'm a flawed mortal.. Some things never changed, but some have.. Seven years ago I would have abhorred the thought of smoking.. Look at me now, even if I do not wish to admit it, and still have some solice in the fact that I am able to stay long periods without smoking, I have become a nicotine addict..

Ten years ago I thought people were all angels.. There was no bad in this world.. Funny right? Hehe, well ten years ago I was 14.. And as they say, ignorance is bliss.. I had no visions of betrayal, no thoughts of how someone may use me, no nightmares of heartbreak, no fears of losing my ideals, not an inkling of an idea of how harsh reality could be... And yet, now, ten years later, I've been through all that, and I no longer have the safety of my childhood ignorance...

I say not that this has all happened only to me, this is just one of those endless random thoughts that wander through my brain...

How many of us actually are the people we wanted to be? A very lucky few..

Why is it that the harshness of the world makes us forget our dreams? It shouldn't, nay we should hold on to them even tighter.. Why you may ask, why must we hold on to an ideal that will most probably never become a reality.. Why??? Because we CAN! We have a mind, we have wishes, we must dream.. who cares if they come to life or not? If we do not dream, we are nothing. If we do not dream, we cannot better ourselves, if we do not dream, then this life is worthless and with no color, pleasure or happiness..

If we do not dream, we are not living..